


we will suffer what must be suffered

by zojnks



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Pre-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order Spoilers, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, also a little mixing with, based on the seven ancient Greek forms of love, but it’s seven, cause I love her, just in terms of maz, mixes prequels and sequels a bit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:46:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23137141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zojnks/pseuds/zojnks
Summary: Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi are sent to the far off planet of Takodana by the Jedi Council to receive an object essential to ending the war with the Separatists. However, the object has a heavy toll that must be paid and Anakin may not be ready to endure its task. Taking matters into its own hand, the mysterious Force steps in and shows Anakin all the love he is unwilling to recognize. Will Anakin stay true to the Light or succumb to the Dark?or“The Dark Side is a temptation many find hard to resist. Can you handle such pressure? Can you stay with the Light? Like I said before, young Skywalker, both fear and love live in you—the Hand will test which is the stronger of the two.”
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 18
Kudos: 114





	1. Introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a little bit of a labor of love for me. I just started it, but school is out for two weeks cause of coronavirus, so I figured it’s as good a time as any to post this. I’ve been doing some heavy research on Wookieepedia and combining my own knowledge of canon/legends stuff into one big fic. Hopefully, this goes well as I really love the base idea for it. I’m in need of a beta, so if anyone would like to volunteer in the comments, please do so!

  
_“Come, I beg you not to brood about these hopeless matters while we are young. We will suffer what must be suffered.”_  
_—Odysseus Elytis, “The Axion Esti”_

  
Their ship touched down relatively unscathed onto the beautiful green fields of Takodana. They had run into some Separatist fighters on the way to Takodana, but Anakin’s masterful, if crazy, piloting managed to get them there in one piece. Anakin was grateful to have such a relaxing assignment from the Council, especially to somewhere so beautiful. Each time he visited a new planet, he remembered his childish remark to Qui-Gon about his future.

As he looked around the lush green fields and sparkling blue waters of Takodana, he smiled wistfully, thinking back to how naive he had been.

So much bad had come with the war, but still, much good came of it, too.

“Anakin?” His Master called. “Let’s get moving. The sun is going down and we have to get across Nymeve Lake before we can reach the castle.”

Anakin jogged over to his master, who was already hiking towards the castle on the distant shore. They had had to land on the opposite shore from the castle simply because they didn’t want to attract too much attention. The Council had been extremely specific that this was to be a pure stealth mission. 

The two Jedi walked side by side as they slowly made their way over to the castle. Anakin just enjoyed the view as they hiked and let his mind clear of any troubles. It was the most at peace he had been with the Force in a while, and it seemed his master had picked up on that. 

Obi-Wan turned to him and smiled, sending waves of peaceful affection across their bond. 

“It seems that the fresh air and green grass is a good look for you, my former Padawan.”

Anakin laughed, taking in Obi-wan’s smiling face and committing the expression to memory.

“It sure beats spending hours in the recycled air of cruisers. Takodana is unlike any other planet we’ve been to. It’s– it’s so peaceful, it seems almost unreal.”

Obi-Wan chuckled, eyes crinkling with mirth. 

“Well, you’ll be rethinking that statement once we get to the castle. Maz’s place is definitely one of a kind.”

Feeling light, Anakin reached out with his hand and grasped Obi-Wan’s. He felt a small thrill of joy come zipping through their bond as Obi-Wan gripped his cybernetic hand and although Anakin could barely feel it, he could feel the emotions surrounding the action.

As he looked out upon the horizon, the lake a beautiful blue and the vegetation around the castle a deep green, he gripped Obi-Wan’s hand tighter, feeling content. 

And deep behind his shields, he let out a private thought just for himself, one full of attachment that went directly against the Jedi Order.

Somehow, as though he knew him better than he knew himself, Obi-Wan turned towards him as Anakin thought this traitorous thought—and smiled. Anakin knew deep down that Obi-Wan would have no way of knowing his thought, but just the fact that he was so attuned to Anakin’s psyche to feel that one small tremor of fear was enough to reassure him that attachment was not weak. Instead, it made him strong.

-

The two arrived at Maz’s castle minutes before the sun fully set. The walk, though therapeutic at first, tired them both out and they were looking forward to a restful night in a nice warm bed. They trudged up the stairs toward the door until suddenly Obi-Wan came to a stop.

“Anakin, you’ve got to tone it down in here, okay? I understand that sometimes we need to use your ‘Jedi protector persona’, but remember what the Council said. Pure stealth. No lightsabers, no threats, nothing of the sort, okay?”

Anakin nodded, squeezing Obi-Wan’s hand once. He sent a wave of understanding through their bond, which seemed to satisfy his master. Obi-Wan turned, letting go of his hand and led them inside.

-

Anakin had been many places in the galaxy, from the cantinas on Tatooine to the underbelly of Coruscant. Nothing, however, pervaded for Maz’s castle. He was even less prepared for the woman herself.

“Master Kenobi!” She cried out, radiating power even from her 4’ 1” stature. “You’ve finally returned!”

Obi-Wan headed over to her and Anakin just followed passively, trying not to stare too dumbly at all the creatures around them. It seemed like every being from every corner of the galaxy came to Maz’s.

“Oh, how I’ve missed you, Master Kenobi! Let me hear that elegant Coruscanti accent of yours one more time!”

“Of course, Maz, anything for the best pirate queen on this side of the galaxy. May I introduce my former Padawan, Anakin Skywalker?”

Anakin bowed from his place behind Obi-Wan as Maz adjusted her glasses. Her eyes were like fishbowls on her orange skin, the wrinkles around them telling her age where her demeanor did not. She stared at Anakin for a moment, seemingly searching for something in his eyes. Then, she smiled.

“I know who this one is, Kenobi. How lucky are you to have such a handsome man with you all the time? After all, the trials and tribulations of ‘The Team’ reach us even all the way out here on Takodana.”

Obi-Wan just laughed and followed Maz as she began to weave through the crowd toward a big booth in the back. Anakin thought she was a curious figure, but she seemed to command respect from every being in the room; that kind of power, he could admire.

“So tell me, Obi-Wan, why have you come?” She asked, looking over her shoulder as she deftly scooted her way into the large brown booth. It’s seats seemed to be a worn leather of some kind and the table was full of food. A servant bustled by, pouring a golden liquid into their glasses until they were full. 

Obi-Wan lifted his glass to his nose and smelled, swirling the liquid so it slashed against the sides of the glass with a clink from the ice cubes. He set it down, smiling. 

“Maz, you’re too kind! Ergesh rum for a couple of Jedi is too much!”

Maz just laughed, while Anakin’s eyes were almost bugging out of his head. Ergesh rum? That costs hundreds of credits on Coruscant, he couldn’t imagine how much it must have cost out here. He picked up his own glass, swirling it like Obi-Wan did. He lifted it to his own nose and took a whiff, enjoying the light, fruity composition. The bantha shit that he usually drank back in the dives on Coruscant was nothing compared to this—this was almost heavenly. He took a swig, barely noticing the conversation between Obi-Wan and Maz as he enjoyed the pleasant burn of the alcohol.

Suddenly, he was startled out of his enjoyment by Obi-Wan calling his name.

“Anakin? Force to Anakin? Maz just asked us what we are here for. Wouldn’t you like to tell her?”

“Oh, yes, yes, of course,” Anakin spluttered, setting his drink back down on the table. “The Council has sent us here to retrieve an item they think you may have in your possession. They’re willing to pay handsomely for it. I would tell you the name, but it’s very confidential.”

Anakin paused for a moment, letting the information sink in. Then, as he was about to speak again, Maz was suddenly furiously moving her glasses and leaning toward Anakin. 

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan who just shrugged. 

_Let her do what she wants, Anakin,_ Obi-Wan whispered over their bond. _Remember we need her support for this._

Maz continued fiddling with her glasses until suddenly she got up and began to cross the table, pushing plates aside and knocking over glasses until she reached Anakin. She stood inches from his face, looking at him with her big brown eyes. He could feel her in the Force just as he could see her in front of him, clear as day. 

She was powerful with the Force, and for some reason he could not understand, he could not feel all of her in it. It seemed her connection was different than his somehow. Perhaps it was because she was not a Jedi.

“You’re right, young Skywalker. The Jedi are not the only ones who know the ways of the Force. I have had many teachers. When you live as long as I have, you see the same in eyes in different people. 

“Yours are... rare, young Skywalker. I have met many beings and traveled to many places, but few have had eyes like yours. I sense a great fear in you, but great love as well. Draw equally and you will find strength. Use only one, and your eyes will not be the same.”

Maz then crawled off the table and began to walk. Obi-Wan stood to follow her while Anakin sat dazed for a moment.

Maz’s words, unlike Master Yoda’s when he was a child, were not judgmental nor were they rude. They were simply observations from a very old woman. The truth held in those words, however, held a much stronger impact for Anakin. He felt a flow of concern wash over him through his bond with Obi-Wan and was jolted out of his deep reflection. 

He scrambled from his seat in the booth, taking one last wistful glance at the almost full glass of Ergesh rum before hurrying after Maz and Obi-Wan. 

-

Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Maz headed toward a large, yet unassuming door in the far wall of the castle. To their right, a passageway of stairs led down to the basement, while to the left of the door, a small niche in the wall held a dark green flower, it’s petals shaped like teardrops. 

Maz noticed Anakin glance toward the flower and turned to him with a thoughtful expression.

“Few notice the Eternal Flower of Takodana. It’s an old relic, with an expansive history in the Force. Curiouser and curiouser, young Skywalker.”

She then pushed open the door to reveal a large study filled to the brim with relics and artifacts. She led the way inside, seating herself behind a large crimson desk covered in ornate spirals and waves in near-black flaws.

She gestured for them to sit down as well. They complied and she leaned forward, clasping her hands. 

“Greelwood—an interesting choice,” Obi-Wan commented. 

“Pirate queens should have a little luxury, should they not? Now, Knight Skywalker, tell me what artifact you seek.”

Anakin glanced once at Obi-Wan to make sure it was safe. Obi-Wan gave him a small nod and Anakin felt reassurance caress his mind through their bond. They both knew how important this mission was to the council; they both knew what could happen if they kriffed it up.

“The Council has sent us to retrieve the Hand of Kujet from the planet Dathomir. They fear what could happen if such a powerful relic fell into the hands of the Sith.”

Maz leaned back, looking troubled. 

“The Hand is not something easily given, Knight Skywalker. It is tied to the Dark Side. The Zeffo hid it the best they could, but secrets never stay secret in the Force. Tell me, who sent for this artifact?”

“Master Eno Cordova,” Obi-Wan interjected. “He is a learned man and a valuable Jedi scholar.”

Maz nodded thoughtfully, playing with a small wooden figure on her desk as she seemed to work through the issue in her mind. 

“The Hand... it sometimes feels as if it has a mind of its own. Kujet was powerful with the Force and they injected much of that power into the Hand before they died.”

Here, Maz paused, letting her comments sink in. Anakin’s hands stiffened, his metal fingers digging into his glove as his fingernails bit into his flesh hand. Obi-Wan reached over and laid a hand on his thigh, letting waves of affection and reassurance wash over Anakin’s mind and soul through their bond.

Maz noticed the movement but kindly did not say anything, only the widening of her eyes giving away her surprise. 

“The Dark Side is a temptation many find hard to resist. Can you handle such pressure? Can you stay with the Light? Like I said before, young Skywalker, both fear and love live in you—the Hand will test which is the stronger of the two.”

Anakin nodded, trying to release some tension into the Force. 

“Don’t worry, Maz, I can handle it,” Anakin said with a forced sense of mildness. 

He glanced at Obi-Wan, searched the other man’s eyes for signs of his love, and then turned back to Maz.

“Lead the way.”

-

Maz had led them deep into the bowels of Takodana Castle. Flickering lights on the walls lent an increasing sense of eeriness as they wound their way deeper into the castle. Finally, she stopped outside a heavy wooden door that was slightly cracked open. 

“May the Force be with you,” she said, taking one last piercing glance at Anakin before turning and heading back up to the ground floor. 

Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan, who just shrugged and pushed the door open even further. The lights on the walls barely illuminated half the room, but it was not needed. Though the room was covered in junk, a dusty trunk sat in the middle. It was obviously the main attraction of the room; it also seemed to call out in the Force. It registered not as Light or Dark, but as something entirely different—entirely older. Obi-Wan pushed his way in first, Anakin following closely behind.

Obi-Wan bent down, hand on the latch before he remembered himself and grasped Anakin’s arm and pulled him down too. 

“Together,” Obi-Wan whispered. “We must do this together.”

Anakin nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The Force was overwhelming him; carving out a space in him for something new; rearranging his mind for something he knew would change him forever. 

Anakin wasn’t so sure that the Council knew what they were getting themselves into when they announced this mission. 

However, he steeled his resolve anyway and reached to flip open the latch before Obi-Wan could. He expected to see the decaying hand described in the Archives, so he was surprised to find a small metal sphere housed inside the dusty, yet plush velvet of the old trunk. 

He could feel Obi-Wan’s own surprise flowing across their bond. Anakin stared at it for a moment before deciding that staring would get nothing done; better to move than to think. 

He reached out, barely hearing Obi-Wan’s panicked “Anakin, no!” before his flesh hand grasped the cool, smooth metal of the sphere. 

Then, he felt nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this intro chapter!! Most of the stuff I mentioned like the rum and the wood are either canon or legends, but I made up the Hand based on Fallen Order (an amazing game, please buy it and play the hell out of it if you can!). I’ll probably be playing a little fast and loose with canon, so I can give a small timeline/description in case anyone wants that? Comment below what you think!


	2. Chapter 1: Philia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philia: feeling like a part of a team/group; deep friendship love

_“and I wept for you / remembering how often we watched the sun / setting as we talked.” —Kallimachos, “On The Death of a Poet”  
  
_

Anakin awoke to the feeling of his lightsaber in his hand and the smell of battle all around him. It was hot and humid wherever he was, and he was standing in a defensive position as blaster fire echoed all around him. He wheeled around, assessing his surroundings before noticing the bright jungle environment. That, coupled with the awful weather, clued him in.

Apparently, he was on Felucia. On the day he lost Ahsoka.

He felt a battle droid come up behind him and turned in one smooth motion, chopping it in half as he glanced around wildly, looking for his Padawan. 

He spotted Rex with some other troopers battling it out with some droids to his far right, while Master Plo made quick work of the incoming droid reinforcements to his left. 

As he looked toward the back wall, he remembered the plan from that day. Ahsoka had taken the back wall with a small trooper team. He could spot some of their repellant gear still attached to the Separatist base walls, but could not see his feisty little Padawan nor her distinctive two lightsabers. He started to hack through battle droids as he made his way to the back wall, spinning and chopping without a second thought. They collapsed around him in droves, Anakin’s anger and fear fueling him as he stalked towards the site of his failure.

Soon, though, he was overrun by the reinforcement droids and had to stop to take care of such a large number of them. He hacked them to pieces, some troopers coming in and taking some down right along with him. It felt good to release his anger in such a way; after all, droids were not alive and therefore it did not feel like breaking the Code to tear them down with such reckless abandon. 

Suddenly, his comm beeped and Anakin realized that the battle was over. He chopped off the head of one last battle droid and looked down at his comm. A message from Master Plo read: _Skywalker, Padawan Tano never made contact with me. Do you know her whereabouts?_

  
Kriff this horrible humid planet! Anakin ran his fingers through his hair as he kicked a droid’s arm in frustration. He ran back to where the regiments were meeting up and quickly tracked down Master Plo.

“Master Plo, Ahsoka never made contact with me either. I’m going to take some of my men and conduct a search for her. Do you think you could ready our ships for departure?”

Master Plo sighed. Anakin knew his fear was bleeding into the Force and quickly tightened his mental shields. He guessed a trip back in time wasn’t good on anyone’s mental state. 

“Of course, Anakin. Take as many men as you need, mine can do clean up just fine. May the Force be with you.”

Anakin gave him a curt nod before turning and hurrying off to find Rex. He knew he could find Ahsoka this time; he could feel it deep inside him.

-

Anakin kicked the dirt, groaning in frustration and just barely holding back a scream. They had been scouring the area around the Separatist base for almost 2 hours and had found nothing. It was exactly like the first time it had happened, for there was not a trace of Ahsoka to be found. He suddenly felt someone approach behind him and ignited his saber, spinning around so quickly he must have looked like a green blur.

“The men still haven’t found anything, General. We’ve had multiple units swap section areas, but no results. I’m- I’m sorry, General, but it looks like Commander Tano has disappeared.”

Anakin sighed heavily, his cybernetic hand rapidly clenching and unclenching, the metal audible probably even to Rex. 

“General Skywalker, sir,” Rex began, unusually timid.

“Yes, Captain Rex?” Anakin prompted, annoyance laced in his tone.

“Sir, Commander Tano means a lot to all of us. Wherever she is, we’re going to find her. No one in my regiment gets left behind, sir, no one.”

Anakin cracked a small smile at Rex’s statement. He knew the Captain was never good at following orders blindly; instead, he did things for a reason; he did things for loyalty. 

“I believe you, Rex. Let’s head back to base and see if anyone’s found anything new. If not, we’ll try again.”

-

The two arrived back at base to see that nobody else had found any evidence about Ahsoka. Anakin growled low in his throat, cursing himself that he was unable to prevent this from happening again. Ahsoka meant so much to him; outside of Obi-Wan, she was the person he spent the most time with, laughed the most with, and even cried the most with. Ahsoka was one of the few remaining members of his family; he would die for her in a heartbeat. If his death could bring her back right now, he would do it, no questions. Anakin’s anger was fueling him—making him stronger in the Force. Anakin knew the Dark Side was close and temptation had only ever struck him like this once before. He had done unspeakable things that day; things he knew, deep down in his soul, he would repeat if it meant saving Ahsoka. 

Rex tapped Anakin on the shoulder and gestured to Fives. 

Fives began to talk, much like Rex, rather timidly for a trooper. “Sir, Commander Tano... as much as it would hurt her pride to hear us say it, she’s like a little sister to us, sir. Don’t worry about her—we’ll get her back, okay?”

Drawing away from the dangerous well of the Dark Side, Anakin turned his thoughts to his squadron. He looked at them with pride and affection and he could see his own determination to save Ahsoka reflected in each and every one of their faces. He—no, _they_ —had truly created a family among these men, however kriffed up it was that it happened during a war to a bunch of clones. But it did happen, and Anakin is grateful because it meant that him, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan have more people to add to their weird little family that care just as much as they do. 

“Alright, men,” he said, pride evident in his voice. “Then let’s head out for another round!”

The troopers all nodded sharply and immediately headed out, heads down and scanners out, looking for anything out of the ordinary; if even a leaf was out of place, Anakin knew his men would find it.

He smiled, the Dark Side calling to him no longer, then felt his body collapse in on itself, brain expanding and shrinking every other millisecond. It was extremely painful, and yet he was completely at peace. It was so intense he could have cried, yet he felt weightless.

Then, he felt nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I will be going through the different forms of love in each chapter. I hope you all are interested in this amazing concept and maybe even take some time to research all the wonderful forms of love in our dark, uncertain times! Once again, I am looking for a beta for this story, so if anyone would like the job, please comment down below! Thank you so much for reading :))


	3. Chapter 2: Storge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Storge: family love; relations or very close friends

_“In his soul, it seemed to him, it was snowing, and everything faded away.”_   
_-Anton Chekhov, “The Notebook of Anton Chekhov”_

  
Anakin awoke in the dojo, body tensed and ready for a fight. His lightsaber was activated in his hands and he sidestepped on autopilot as Ahsoka swung her saber toward him. On her next attack, Anakin parried as she swung her saber down in front of her. Her shoto swung out on his left as she wielded her saber above her head. Anakin sidestepped, feinted, and then used his larger stature to push her to the ground. He moved quick, lightsaber at her throat until she finally rolled her eyes and switched off her saber. Anakin pulled her up and motioned for the two of them to get some water.

“You’ve still got to work on your Jar Kai, Snips. You keep forgetting you now have your shoto to aid in defending you.”

Ahsoka nodded, chugging her water. Sparring took a lot out of both of them, as Ahsoka was leagues ahead of all of the other Padawans. In fact, she was second only to Obi-Wan in Anakin’s mind. They had taught her well.

That thought made him pause. He now knew when he was. It was just before... just before something, but he couldn’t remember what. It felt like something big, but if Anakin couldn’t remember, then he guessed it wasn’t that important anyways. He downed the rest of his water in one sip before turning back to his Padawan.

“I think we’ve had enough for today, Snips,” Anakin said to her, already anticipating the complaints that were soon to come. Based on his sore muscles, they had probably already been at it for hours.

“But Master! We barely have time to spar anymore, and I want to take my shoto with us on the next mission!”

Anakin looked into his Padawan’s pleasing eyes and saw himself in them. However, he didn’t want his Padawan to make the same mistakes he did, focusing too much on combat and not enough on all the other important things in life. 

“We’ll have time for more sparring tomorrow, Ahsoka. Obi-Wan said that we’re not expected to be back in the field for at least three more days. Now, we need to go eat, shower, and relax. There’s more to life than battle, you know. Hopefully, this war will be over soon enough and then you’ll have to live like a civilian again.”

Ahsoka snorted, crossing her arms. “That’s rich coming from you, Master. I’ve never seen another Jedi as comfortable in the field as you. But... I guess you’re right. I could use a nice warm shower right now.”

Anakin smiled. “If we hurry, we might be able to coerce Obi-Wan into making his famous Gi dumpling soup.”

-

The three of them sat around the table in Anakin and Ahsoka’s shared quarters, the both of them having successfully convinced Obi-Wan to make their favorite soup. 

Ahsoka was devouring her bowl, broth flying all over the table. Obi-Wan and Anakin shared a look over her head, a pleasant mix of fondness and exasperation running through their bond.

“Ahsoka, do try to eat a little... slower, please,” Obi-Wan asked, voice light yet firm.

Anakin laughed, pushing her shoulder lightly.

“Listen to your Grandmaster, Snips. He’s saying you eat like a womp rat.”

That got her attention. “Hey, no fair, Master! Don’t think I didn’t see you devouring that ‘Hungry Hutt’ Sandwich the other day at Dex’s. You managed to put the whole Jedi Order to shame with one meal!”

The conversation then devolved into them trading barbs about who was the messier eater. Obi-Wan just smiled, amused, only stepping in to calm them down when it got a little too heated.

Finally, the two tired themselves out. Ahsoka looked like she was ready to fall asleep in her chair. Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan, who was smiling at her in that reserved way of his. Obi wan looked up to see Anakin staring, and Anakin flushed a bit. 

“Well,” Obi-Wan said, startling Ahsoka out of her sleepy daze. “I think that I’m going to head back to my rooms. Make sure you two clean up, okay?” 

Anakin nodded and Obi-Wan took that as his cue to leave, shutting the door lightly on his way out. Anakin got up and started clearing the dishes from the table. Once he had them all soaking in the sink, he went back to Ahsoka, poking her on the shoulder.

“I let the dishes soak. Don’t let your Grandmaster know, okay, Snips?”

“Mhmm,” Ahsoka intelligently replied, head nodding up and down. 

Anakin pulled her chair out for her, then gathered her in arms to carry her to her room. She weighed practically nothing, but Anakin knew she was still a combat machine out in the field. He smiled, proud of everything she had already accomplished. 

“Aren’t you a little old for this now, Snips?” Anakin whispered, amusement clear in his voice. 

Ahsoka yawned, shifting so she could curl into Anakin’s neck. 

“Not while you’re still able to carry me, Master. I’m getting a free ride all the way to my bed.”

Anakin laughed. 

“All the way to your bed, huh? Maybe I’ll just drop you on the floor right next to your bed, make you get on yourself.”

His Padawan just yawned again, getting more comfortable in his arms. Unfortunately, they had just reached Ahsoka’s room, so Anakin had to shift his grip to open the door. 

He entered quietly, appreciating the organized cleanliness of his Padawan’s room—the very antithesis of his own. Anakin smiled to himself, happy that at least some of Obi-Wan’s influence was working. He used one hand to push back the covers on Ahsoka’s bed before gently setting her down. He covered her again with her warm blankets as she shifted to get comfortable. 

The light from her windows reflected on her face, and her nose scrunched in that way it did when she was annoyed. Anakin waved his hand to close the blinds; he was glad that Obi-Wan wasn’t there to witness that blatant misuse of the Force. He took one last glance at Ahsoka’s softly slumbering form and brushed her face with his flesh hand before leaving for his own room.

-

Anakin changed into his pajamas in a mindless haze, happily content to relive the memories of his blissfully peaceful evening with the people he loved the most. Attachments were forbidden in the Order, but sometimes thoughts of Ahsoka and Obi-Wan, even the 501st, were all that got him through the day. Anakin lived and breathed and fought for the people he cared about, no matter what the Order had to say about it. 

As Anakin got into bed, pulling the covers over himself, he realized that his connection to the Force was never stronger than it was when he spent time with his family, like now; in fact, the Force seemed to sigh with contentment. 

Anakin drifted off to sleep with these pleasant thoughts swirling in his head. He was happy, sleeping on a comfortable bed in a warm room, at peace with the Force. Soon, a white light filled his dreams.

Then, he felt nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this fluffy chapter on familial love. In the Clone Wars especially, I feel like we see a fully fleshed out Anakin who loves deeply and wholly. Hopefully this chapter did him justice :))


	4. Chapter 3: Ludus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ludus: Play. Fun. Exciting love.

_“Nothing in life is real but dreams and love.”_   
_-Anna de Noailles, “Song of the Proper Time”_

  
Anakin slowly blinked open his eyes to bright light coming in through what must have been a window. Soon, though, he realized that it was most definitely not a window as he was lying in soft grass outside somewhere. He could hear some animals chirping in the distance and could feel a soft breeze brushing across his hair. His entire body was warmed from the sun above him. 

Anakin propped his head on one arm, glancing down to see Obi-Wan laid peacefully next to him. His former Master snores lightly and seemed exceedingly comfortable sleeping on the pillowy grass of whatever planet they were on. As Anakin let his gaze wander over the endless rolling hills of the planet, he relaxed back into the grass until he was lying down once again. He moved closer to Obi-Wan, fully prepared to blame their unusual closeness on his actions during sleep.

What he didn’t expect, however, was for Obi-Wan to unconsciously move closer to him as well. The older man fitted himself into the curves of Anakin’s body, his arms coming to lay over Anakin’s chest. Anakin worriedly glanced around, heart starting to beat faster. He knew that this would be unfavorable position to be found in should some troopers find them. 

Suddenly, he could feel a small wispy stream of affection slip through the cracks in his shield. Obi-Wan’s side of the bond felt faintly amused as Anakin latched onto this stream of familiar kindness. Obi-Wan shifted once more against Anakin, seemingly still asleep.

“Calm down, my former Padawan. We are alone out here; you know this,” Obi-Wan whispered, his voice scratchy from sleep. “Go back to sleep, dear one. We deserve this break.”

Then, Obi-Wan curled himself back into Anakin, hands clutching tighter against Anakin’s tunic. Anakin felt something coil deep in his belly. Obi-Wan could be so damn attractive sometimes (well, all the time, actually), but especially when he was sleepy and let some of his guards down.

Suddenly, Anakin could remember, clear as day, what moment this was: the time he and Obi-Wan first kissed. However, just as clearly as he could remember the moment, the specifics were just as muddled. 

_Oh well_ , Anakin thought. _All the more fun for me._

He pressed in closer to Obi-Wan, letting his chin rest on the other man’s head. He could smell the distinctly cinnamon-like smell that always hung around Obi-Wan. Anakin never could figure it out, whether it was cologne or what. However, he could also smell something deeper, something more... Obi-Wan. He reveled in the feeling of being so close he could notice something as trivial as this. 

Anakin lifted his chin off of Obi-Wan’s head, leaning back to get a good look at the other man. He then reached up, his gloved hand coming to lift Obi-Wan’s chin. His Master’s eyes widened as he could sense what Anakin was trying to do through their bond. 

Anakin caressed Obi-Wan’s shields in his mind, nothing but pure love and affection coming through from his end. On Obi-Wan’s side, he could feel something similar reflected, but the man’s shields were tight. He could also feel something else—nervous excitement. Anakin sent through one last burst of pure love, hand slowly stroking Obi-Wan’s beard.

“Oh, dear one,” Obi-Wan exhaled, breath warm on Anakin’s face.

Anakin leaned in to capture Obi-Wan’s lips in his. They were soft, but Anakin could feel the scrape of his Master’s beard against his face. His Master sighed into the kiss, hands gripping at the back of Anakin’s tunic. Anakin pulled Obi-Wan closer as he laid on his back. The other man settled quite comfortably on him, hands moving from his back to his cheeks. Obi-Wan kissed him with all he had, soft moans coming from his lips when Anakin teasingly bit them.

Anakin let his hands wander from Obi-Wan’s waist to his ass. His Master let out a soft gasp as Anakin slowly began to massage it. Anakin loved the feeling of Obi-Wan’s ass in his hands, having spent many a battle surreptitiously admiring it in his peripheral vision. 

Obi-Wan suddenly let out a bark of laughter and collapsed into the curve of Anakin’s neck. Anakin must have let that last thought slip through his shields. 

“The battlefield, Anakin? Shouldn’t you have more pressing matters at that time?” Obi-Wan asked, still chuckling into Anakin’s neck. 

Anakin blushed, hands moving back up to Obi-Wan’s waist. 

“Well, you know that sometimes fighting the clankers gets a little, well, repetitive. Sometimes I need the attractive distraction.”

Obi-Wan just let out one last laugh before pulling Anakin in for another searing kiss. His Master let both his amusement and deep desire flow through their bond, invigorating Anakin from the inside out. 

Obi-Wan flipped them over so he was now on the bottom. Anakin pulled back to admire him, noticing his self-satisfied smirk.

“Well, I think I like this a lot better,” Obi-Wan said slyly, hands coming to grip Anakin’s ass. 

Anakin jolted at the contact, leaning down to capture Obi-Wan’s mouth once again. He let himself rest on his Master’s broad chest, kissing him deeply. He sucked Obi-Wan’s bottom lip into his mouth, playfully biting at it. Obi-Wan moaned, and shifted to gain better leverage.

Suddenly, the two of them were tumbling down the hill, bumping against each other and smacking against the ground. Anakin could feel his clothes getting covered in grass and dirt, small rocks biting into his skin. He hit the ground countless, jolting times as he bounced down the hill. Somewhere along the way down, he seemed to have lost Obi-Wan, as he could no longer feel the other man’s flailing body parts bumping into him as he careened down the hill. 

What seemed like a small knoll from the top, Anakin realized, was actually a reasonably sized hill that seemed to have an endless, grassy slope. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, Anakin rolled to a stop on flat ground. He blinked open his eyes, not realizing that he had shut them during his perilous journey towards the ground. The bright sun was now a nuisance against his raging headache. He was going to be lucky if he didn’t have a concussion. 

Anakin slowly pulled himself up, trying in vain to slap the grass and dirt off of himself. He looked around and soon spotted Obi-Wan still lying on the floor a few hundred meters away. He ran towards his Master, falling to his knees next to his side.

“Master, Master,” Anakin called, snapping his fingers in front of Obi-Wan’s face. “Come on, wake up! This isn’t funny, Obi-Wan.”

“Nor am I trying to be, dear one,” Obi-Wan replies, wincing as he blinked open his eyes.

Anakin sighed with relief, glad that at least Obi-Wan could speak and see.

“How do you feel, Master?” Anakin asked cautiously, waving his hand in front of Obi-Wan’s face. 

The other man’s eyes seemed to be tracking, at least before his Master slapped his hand out of the way. 

“Cut the healer act, Anakin. And to answer your question, I feel like 50 banthas have just trampled over my entire body.” 

Anakin smiled, his fondness slipping past his shields to caress Obi-Wan through the bond. 

“Well, at least you’re somewhat okay,” Anakin said as he stood up, reaching out a hand to help Obi-Wan stand as well. “I think we should be heading back now, seeing as we both probably have at least minor head injuries.”

Obi-Wan grasped Anakin’s hand and Anakin pulled his Master up. He drew him in close, and stroked one hand through the other man’s auburn hair. 

“It’s always something with you, huh, dear one?” Obi-Wan whispered, his teasing tone coming through loud and clear. 

“Oh, it’s always something, alright,” Anakin replied with a smirk as he leaned into kiss Obi-Wan, deep and sweet.

He could once again feel the scratch of Obi-Wan’s beard against his face as he latched onto that perfectly plump bottom lip. Anakin smiled into the kiss, perfectly content to be with the person he cared for the most in the entire galaxy.

Then, he felt nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this new chapter!! I have the next one all queued up, so it should be out by the end of the week. Thanks for sticking with me :))


	5. Chapter 4: Agape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agape: Love of humanity. Contributing.

_“And everything / Has changed so much / In me / Everything / Except my Love.”_  
_-Guillaume Apollinaire_

Anakin awoke to the noise of Coruscant all around him. He could hear beings of all species yelling at each as they bartered in the market and the zoom of speeders flying high above him. Anakin reveled in the noise; even though he had grown up on Tatooine, he loved the hustle and bustle of Coruscant like it was home. He looked upwards, straining his eyes to see what looked like a tiny speck in the furthest part of his vision—the Jedi Temple. He looked around, trying to figure out what day it could possibly be. He had spent many a day on Coruscant in his time at the Temple, and most of them tended to blur together. 

He walked around for a bit, trying to figure out where he was. It seemed that he was in one of the upper levels that sold planet-specific items. If one of the many species currently living on Coruscant got a little homesick, this district would be sure to cure that homesickness as they had something from about every planet in the galaxy. Anakin rarely visited, seeing as he didn’t really want anything from Tatooine. 

He wandered around for a bit, trying to remember why he would possibly be in this district. Perhaps he got lost? Maybe he crashed his speeder trying one of his more... reckless stunts, as Obi-Wan would say. As he was just about to head back to the Temple, his comm beeped. He lifted it to see an incoming call from Obi-Wan.

“Anakin,” the older man said,“I hope you’re not taking too long searching for a gift for Ahsoka. Remember we are having dinner at your apartments in a little less than two hours.”

“Oh. Yeah. I’m... almost done. I’ll be back in a bit.” 

Anakin quickly shut off his comm before he Obi-Wan could say anything else. So that’s what he was here for! It was Ahsoka’s life day! Kriff, he better not mess this up because Ahsoka took life days _very_ seriously. Anakin tore down the street, searching for a Togrutan shop or anywhere that sold something he could get that would honor Ahsoka’s culture.

Ahsoka always felt a little off at the Temple, as the only other Togruta was Master Shaak Ti. Anakin knew that it grated on her sometimes, the loss of her connection to her culture when many (almost all, really) beings at the Temple were human and could so readily experience their cultures. So, Anakin remembered, for this specific life day he had decided to get Ahsoka something to honor her heritage. He couldn’t quite remember her reaction to whatever gift he had ended up getting her, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered is that at least he’ll get to see it again now. 

Anakin finally stopped outside of a small shop advertising wares from Shili. He stepped inside, credits already clutched in hand. 

“What do you have for Torgutan girls?” Anakin asked the shopkeeper, out of breath from running all the way there.

“Well, we do have some Togrutan to’aki bracelets. The stones are said to assist with personal growth and reflection as a Togrutan child grows. Would that be suitable, sir?” 

The shopkeeper, an old Togrutan herself, gave Anakin a kind smile and reached into the cabinets under her bench to retrieve one of the bracelets. She handed it to him carefully, seemingly reverent of its supposed capabilities. That’s when Anakin noticed a very similar bracelet on her own wrist, cord fraying and beads a little worse for wear, but there all the same.

He glanced up, and she smiled knowingly.

“Something for your Padawan, I assume?”

He looked up, wary at her response, and then remembered where he was. 

“We old folk still get the news holos, even all the way down here, General Skywalker. I’m sure that Commander Tano will appreciate the gift.”

At the mention of Ahsoka’s name, the bracelet began to grow slightly warm in his hands. He glanced up in shock, but the shopkeeper’s eyes seemed to already have an answer to his question. 

It seemed the beads on the bracelet were Force-sensitive, no doubt to help with all of the “personal growth and reflection” that the shopkeeper had mentioned. What a wonderful gift from her home world for Ahsoka to have as she got older. Anakin was starting to wonder how Obi-Wan ever let him go, but soon realized that in a way, he never really did. He hoped that was also true with Ahsoka. 

“Thanks so much. She’s gonna love it,” Anakin said, dumping some credits on to the shopkeeper’s bench before racing out of the shop. He could hear her calls behind him, sure that the amount he had given was too much, but it was the Temple’s money, anyway. And the woman deserved it for being so kind.

-

Anakin arrived at the Temple a little sweaty from his run back to his speeder. Thank the Force that he had remembered where he usually parked it in that district, otherwise he would have had to make a pretty embarrassing call to Obi-Wan. 

He quickly headed over to his rooms after parking his speeder, sure that Obi-Wan would already have dinner underway. Ahsoka was supposed to be out with her Padawan friends until around 8:00, and it was 7:00 now. 

Anakin arrived at his rooms looking a little worse for wear, but at least he had Ahsoka’s gift. He could hear Obi-Wan banging around in the kitchen as he opened the door, pulling his boots off and setting them next to the door. He walked into the kitchen with the bag holding the bracelet clutched in his hand. 

Obi-Wan turned around with a smile.

“What have you got there? A gift for your Padawan that you of course bought months ago?”

Anakin laughed. “Of course, I definitely did not just buy it on Coruscant fifteen minutes ago, why would you ever think that, my Master?”

Obi-Wan shook his head fondly, softly chuckling as he motioned with the spoon in his hand to see what Anakin had bought Ahsoka. 

Anakin pulled the bracelet out, and Obi-Wan let out a small gasp. His Master dropped the spoon and quickly walked over to where Anakin was standing, grabbing the bracelet from him and holding it up to the light. 

“Oh... it’s beautiful, Anakin. Wherever did you find such a thing?”

Anakin smirked. “Oh, well, you know me, Master. I have my ways.”

Obi-Wan have him a hard stare before turning back to the bracelet. Anakin sighed and turned, walking over to the couch before flopping (dramatically) onto it.

“I got it at a Togrutan specialty store in one of the shopping levels,” Anakin finally replied, head tilted back onto the arm of the couch so that he was looking up at Obi-Wan. 

Obi-Wan glanced down at him with a small smile before turning back to the kitchen. 

“Well, you were very thoughtful, and very lucky, in finding such a wonderful gift. I have a box we can put it in, but you need to wrap it.”

Anakin reluctantly got up off the comfortable couch and headed into the kitchen. He grabbed the bracelet off the counter, turning to leave before he remembered he forgot to tell Obi-Wan the best part. 

“I don’t know if you felt it, but the beads are Force-sensitive. The lady mentioned something about ‘personal growth and reflection’, so I guess they’re supposed to help Ahsoka somehow? I didn’t really understand, but hopefully Ahsoka will.”

Obi-Wan turned, a fond smile gracing his handsome features. 

“You really do have the best luck, don’t you, my Padawan? Now come stir this soup! I’ll put the box in your room after I wrap it.”

-

Ahsoka arrived as he and Obi-Wan were laying out the food on the table. Steaming bowls of soup, small pots of rice and vegetables, grilled meats covered in spices from far-off planets—Obi-Wan really did go overboard sometimes. But, Anakin knew he loved to cook, as it was therapeutic for him. Apparently, he had even made a small Jogan fruit cake for the occasion. 

Ahsoka gasped with surprise when she opened the door to see the spread upon the table. 

“C’mere, Snips. It’s not everyday you turn a year older. Just be glad we’re home this time so you get to enjoy Obi-Wan’s delicious cooking.”

Anakin held his arms out for a hug, squeezing Ahsoka tight to him. He released her a bit to turn it into a one-armed side hug, and the two of them walked over to the table. Obi-Wan brought out some glasses, and then the three took their seats. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at him, motioning Anakin to make a toast. He grabbed his cup and held it up.

“Here’s to the best Padawan in history—besides myself, of course.”

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both snickered at that.

“It’s truly been amazing seeing you grow up and become a leader in your own right, Snips. I never wanted a Padawan, but I’m so happy Yoda forced you on me. I couldn’t imagine a better partner leading the 501st.”

Ahsoka looked touched at the unusually affectionate toast. They clinked their glasses, and over the rim Anakin could see Obi-Wan give him an appreciative smile. Then, they dug in.

-

Anakin sat back in his chair, warmed by the love in the air and his stomach full of food. He enjoyed Obi-Wan’s cooking beyond belief, as the man never failed to provide a delicious meal. Ahsoka seemed pretty happy too, seeing as she retired to her room a while ago to rest before dessert and presents. That left Anakin and Obi-Wan alone at the table. 

“More wine?” Obi-Wan asked, picking up the bottle and pouring himself a glass.

“Yes, please. This stuff is delicious. Where did you get this?” Anakin replied, reaching over with his glass.

Obi-Wan poured the wine with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. “Well, those markets in the lower levels are truly wonderful, you know...”

Anakin let out a bark of unexpected laughter, his face splitting in two with a giant smile. 

“The black market, Master?! I never would’ve thought you’d stoop so low.”

Obi-Wan laughed in response to Anakin’s faux anger, taking a sip of the delicious black market wine.

“Well, you know, even the Republic is too strict on some things.” 

The two of them shared another laugh over that statement, thinking about the _many_ things the Republic was too strict on. 

They soon lulled into a comfortable silence. Anakin reflected on the small family he had created in his time at the Temple, and indeed, his time during the war. He had Obi-Wan, a loving Master who, even though the love was often subtly shown, would die for him and vice versa. He had Ahsoka, the most loyal and intelligent Padawan anyone could ask for, even when she complained about rations and gossiped with his troopers. And, of course, he had his troopers, the wonderful 501st, who he now couldn’t imagine life without. 

Anakin was truly lucky, even though sometimes it didn’t seem like it. He had people who loved and supported him, even when he was a reckless hothead who got them into even more trouble than they usually had to start. Anakin knew his family would love him until the end, and for that he was grateful.

-

After Anakin and Obi-Wan cleared the table and Ahsoka had changed into her nightclothes, they reconvened together in the living room. Obi-Wan brought out the Jogan fruit cake, him and Anakin both smiling when Ahsoka let out a gasp at seeing the cake.

“Master Obi-Wan, how did you get Jogan fruit on such short notice?” Ahsoka asked with wonder in her eyes as she stared at the beautiful cake in front of her. “I heard it takes months for the fruit to be imported and we didn’t even know we were gonna be on planet until like a week ago.”

Obi-Wan shared a look with Anakin, the two coming close to snickering. 

“Well, Coruscant always has a lot to offer.”

Obi-Wan then cut into the cake and served it, putting big slices of each cake on their plates and topping it with more fresh-sliced Jogan fruit. Ahsoka ate her slice as if she was in a contest, scarfing down the food faster than even Anakin was.

“Padawan, I think you should slow down.” 

Ahsoka whined, cake almost finished in her plate. “But Master, c’mon, you know we never get stuff like this. I’m just enjoying it so much. Can I have another slice?”

Anakin shared another glance with Obi-Wan, expecting to find his weariness shared in the other man’s expression. Instead, he found a slight twinkle in Obi-Wan’s eye and a smirk on his face that only meant mischief.

“I say we should let her have another piece. After all, she only gets this once a year.”

Anakin groaned and then relented, Ahsoka cheering as she cut herself a giant slice of the cake. 

Obi-Wan leaned over to whisper in Anakin’s ear. 

“It’s only right to pay you back after all your years of annoying me. Time to share the pain, my Padawan.”

Anakin just shook his head, fond annoyance in his features as he stared at Ahsoka. His Padawan could eat enough to rival him.

-

After dessert was finished, Anakin headed into his room to grab Ahsoka’s present. There it was, wrapped perfectly in subtle gold wrapping paper. Obi-Wan had tied it with a scrap of fabric that matched the color of Ahsoka’s skirt, and attached a note that read, in his beautiful script handwriting, “For: Our Dearest Ahsoka”.

It was enough to bring tears to Anakin’s eyes. He was sure Ahsoka would start bawling. Anakin picked up the present with his flesh hand, admiring the way the gold wrapping paper caught the light. The delicate luxury of it screamed Obi-Wan, and Anakin was caught by surprise as a flood of affection washed through him. 

He truly loved that man. Obi-Wan always put his heart and soul into whatever he did—tonight’s dinner showed that. Anakin found it hard sometimes to see past his own anger and resentment at things, but Obi-Wan always managed to help him through anything. He did the same for Ahsoka, which was why he was such a good Grandmaster. 

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan called from the living room, breaking Anakin out of his reverie. “Are you coming?”

Anakin smiled to himself and he held the present close to his chest. 

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a second.”

Then, he felt nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed!! I don’t have any other chapters prewritten, but I’ll try to work on them as quickly as I can. Comments and kudos are appreciated. Thank you all for your support!!


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